Who I Was and What I Will Become

Who I was and who I trained myself to be the last 8 years of my life is so much different from what I've been becoming in the past year since graduation. I'm finding myself in a much more secular world than I thought I would be in. I found myself looking no different than the rest of the world...just blending in. Not being a light, nor really looking for it. Yet still seeing glimmers of the God that I know deep down is true and still there. And when I see those glimmers, I still catch myself praying to Him, "Lord, please don't ever let me go."

I disappeared from my network of Christian community and friends this summer when we all went our different ways and when I found myself working 70+ hours a week and not wanting to get up early on Sunday mornings for church. I felt hurt when nobody from my church realized I had been missing until months later. But I've always known that people will let me down. I've made that defense to others before, and now, I just need to remember it for myself.

For those of you who are still faithful: please continue my prayer unto the Lord for me, "Lord, please don't ever let her go." I'm far from who I was, but not so far that I can't turn around. I'm just far enough where I'm not quite ready yet.

I guess I just wanted to be honest with someone who I knew who would actually pray for me.