So, this is right after chapel--thus, this will be a quick thought. Just thought I would get it down before I forgot altogether.
In regards to what the Lord is teaching me, a realization hit during the first couple of songs in chapel today. These thoughts are not new and original, but definitely needed to be realized.
Preface: swing dancing, I love. But, it also can bring out my "growth areas." Anywho, I was realizing that the flirting and whatnot is a manifestation of trying to find value or worth. My worth does not come from some man's attention toward me, pursual of me, or anything else any person can show or give me. No, my worth comes through the fact that I am a child of God. I am called friend. I am forgiven, because Christ went to the cross. I am loved by the King of Kings. That is where my worth is. But, I don't always accept that, and my actions can clearly show it. Like when I try to flirt my way into having some guy at swing dancing like me/want to dance with me.
There is the Psalm (I forgot which one) that came to mind during chapel in regards to all these thoughts. "Create in me a pure heart and a steadfast spirit within me." I want to have a heart that truly knows its worth, that is pure before the Lord, and a spirit that keeps me pursuing to keep my heart that way.
I'm realizing this more and more each day. Some times, like at dancing, I stumble in my journey there.
Well, I need to head to class (see you in a few Erik...ha.)!
Friday, October 23, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
This Stage of My Life
So, I don't have a ton of time, but I thought that it might be okay to tell you about what I've been learning one day at a time.
Thus, I will start with the first point of the list I created yesterday. The first point was about the stage of life that the Lord has me in, and one of the descriptors for this stage is Single.
The last night that we spent at Amy's cabin, the Lord was bringing to my attention a lot of things. One of these things was being content in my singleness. I am flirt, as we are all aware. And basically, the Lord confronted me, and basically asked, "Why are you trying to fight the place I've put you? You're there for a reason." That place, as said before, is my singleness. Through much of my flirtatiousness, I was basically telling God that I am not okay with His plan for right now. BUT, I want to be. Practically, what that means for right now, is being intentional about hanging with the girls and not so much the boys, holding back on the flirting (this is HARD for me, but I'm learning!), and saying short prayers throughout the day to keep my eyes on the Lord.
I am struggling through and learning what it looks like to find all my contentment first and foremost in the Lord. I'm no-where near the end of this lesson, but I am a few steps closer than I was at the beginning of this semester.
Prayer requests: While I am trying to keep focused on the Lord and on my gal pals, it makes the smaller gestures that guys do seem that much bigger now. I'm struggling on not over-analyzing things, so if you think about it, pray that the Lord gives me the strength to tell myself the truth, and plainly, that I just don't try to look for the gestures--that I see things for what they really are. Thanks
So, now I should truly get back to homework. :)
Thus, I will start with the first point of the list I created yesterday. The first point was about the stage of life that the Lord has me in, and one of the descriptors for this stage is Single.
The last night that we spent at Amy's cabin, the Lord was bringing to my attention a lot of things. One of these things was being content in my singleness. I am flirt, as we are all aware. And basically, the Lord confronted me, and basically asked, "Why are you trying to fight the place I've put you? You're there for a reason." That place, as said before, is my singleness. Through much of my flirtatiousness, I was basically telling God that I am not okay with His plan for right now. BUT, I want to be. Practically, what that means for right now, is being intentional about hanging with the girls and not so much the boys, holding back on the flirting (this is HARD for me, but I'm learning!), and saying short prayers throughout the day to keep my eyes on the Lord.
I am struggling through and learning what it looks like to find all my contentment first and foremost in the Lord. I'm no-where near the end of this lesson, but I am a few steps closer than I was at the beginning of this semester.
Prayer requests: While I am trying to keep focused on the Lord and on my gal pals, it makes the smaller gestures that guys do seem that much bigger now. I'm struggling on not over-analyzing things, so if you think about it, pray that the Lord gives me the strength to tell myself the truth, and plainly, that I just don't try to look for the gestures--that I see things for what they really are. Thanks
So, now I should truly get back to homework. :)
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Walls
First off...Why doesn't anybody use this anymore?? Point a: there is no more BCF meetings from what I understand, so why aren't we using this to share those things with everyone still? Heb 10:25 "Let us not give up meeting together..." I understand that this isn't the best way of meeting together, but it is something. I would love to know what's going on in your life. Which brings me to Point b: I don't really see you all like I used to. I do still enjoy hearing about what the Lord is teaching you. Please tell me. :)
Secondly... I do not enjoy being busy! Having a schedule laid out before me is not really my thing. I like having the time to make spur of the moment decisions about living life, not merely how to get through it.
Thirdly...I thought I would share something that is happening in my life this week. We were told to write things down about the various stages of life based on Erickson's stages in Psych of Counseling. Here's what I ended up writing about early adulthood:
"I feel like everyone is trying to dig at my core. And its good. But with it, I need to have a good cry-- yet my schedule doesn't allow for it-- or when it does, I've had to keep myself so composed for so long that I can't. And then when my walls are down, it in the middle of a class that I don't want to cry in. I want to get at the bottom of this, but I want to be able to deal effectively with it."
We all build up walls in our lives to protect ourselves at points. Mine are up at all the wrong times lately.
Secondly... I do not enjoy being busy! Having a schedule laid out before me is not really my thing. I like having the time to make spur of the moment decisions about living life, not merely how to get through it.
Thirdly...I thought I would share something that is happening in my life this week. We were told to write things down about the various stages of life based on Erickson's stages in Psych of Counseling. Here's what I ended up writing about early adulthood:
"I feel like everyone is trying to dig at my core. And its good. But with it, I need to have a good cry-- yet my schedule doesn't allow for it-- or when it does, I've had to keep myself so composed for so long that I can't. And then when my walls are down, it in the middle of a class that I don't want to cry in. I want to get at the bottom of this, but I want to be able to deal effectively with it."
We all build up walls in our lives to protect ourselves at points. Mine are up at all the wrong times lately.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Psalm 40
As of right now, I don't have the time to say much at all (it's past midnight and I have a 7:50 tomorrow), but I thought if I don't write something now, I never will, and I'll probably forget about it later. As the saying goes, "There's no time like the present!"
I'm reading through the Psalms right now and tonight I came across Psalm 40. First, it caught my eye because the first 3 verses are the caption of a picture that I have in my head that I want to take sometime. But as I read further, I realized that the rest of this Psalm is holding quite true to how things are right now for me. Basically, something has finally caught my attention. It's not a strong grasp of an inspired verse (for example, what Ecclesiastes 3:11 had been to me in the past year), but it's God's word spoken at a normal level to my needy heart.
I'm reading through the Psalms right now and tonight I came across Psalm 40. First, it caught my eye because the first 3 verses are the caption of a picture that I have in my head that I want to take sometime. But as I read further, I realized that the rest of this Psalm is holding quite true to how things are right now for me. Basically, something has finally caught my attention. It's not a strong grasp of an inspired verse (for example, what Ecclesiastes 3:11 had been to me in the past year), but it's God's word spoken at a normal level to my needy heart.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Riding Bandwagons
It's been awhile since I've written last. And because of that, there is much to say, or so it seems.
Numero uno. I'm still not really inspired. I know that doesn't matter to God, but it still makes it hard to want to pursue Him like He should be.
This summer, I have gotten on the "green" bandwagon. I like to recycle, I like the idea of eating organic and natural foods, and I like to avoid the many ways to obtain cancer. I like all these things so much, that I'm pretty sure you'll hear about it in the very near future if you haven't heard about it already. But here's the kicker. In church on Sunday, the message was over I Corinthians 9 (the one about running the race). Cor (the associate pastor, giving the message) was talking about how the Romans, or whoever, when they would participate in their big gaming events would spend a long time (like 11 months) with a strict and vigorous training schedule that could not be compromised at all, or they could not participate in the games. Then he (Cor) read verse 25, "Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training [what I mentioned above]. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever." Cor also mentioned that the crown that the Romans won was a celery crown that was super temporary, as in it would only last for a day. He then asked us as a church, "if they do all that for a temporary prize, what should we be doing for our everlasting prize of Christ?"
This hit me... If I get as excited as I do about things like recycling (to the point of bringing it up in most conversations some how), how much more excited should I be about what Christ has done in my life? How much more should I be bringing Him up in everyday conversations with all those I come in contact with? The answer: more than I do now!
(P.S. please recycle.)
Okay, numero dos. I am going through a selfish conversation time. I say things to look impressive, to bring up things that I know about (or think I do), or to at least find a way to bring up me. And then there has been a more than average amount of complaining that messles its way in as well. But most of the time when I catch myself doing this in the midst of that conversation, I will apologize. But most of the time, the reaction to the apology is the statement, "That's okay. I like to listen." FYI, it's NOT okay. Being a good listener does not negate the fact that I am sinning. Friends, once again, I want to encourage you to be honest. It's okay to say which end is up.
I'm sure there is more. But I will save those things for another night.
Grace and Peace my friends.
Numero uno. I'm still not really inspired. I know that doesn't matter to God, but it still makes it hard to want to pursue Him like He should be.
This summer, I have gotten on the "green" bandwagon. I like to recycle, I like the idea of eating organic and natural foods, and I like to avoid the many ways to obtain cancer. I like all these things so much, that I'm pretty sure you'll hear about it in the very near future if you haven't heard about it already. But here's the kicker. In church on Sunday, the message was over I Corinthians 9 (the one about running the race). Cor (the associate pastor, giving the message) was talking about how the Romans, or whoever, when they would participate in their big gaming events would spend a long time (like 11 months) with a strict and vigorous training schedule that could not be compromised at all, or they could not participate in the games. Then he (Cor) read verse 25, "Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training [what I mentioned above]. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever." Cor also mentioned that the crown that the Romans won was a celery crown that was super temporary, as in it would only last for a day. He then asked us as a church, "if they do all that for a temporary prize, what should we be doing for our everlasting prize of Christ?"
This hit me... If I get as excited as I do about things like recycling (to the point of bringing it up in most conversations some how), how much more excited should I be about what Christ has done in my life? How much more should I be bringing Him up in everyday conversations with all those I come in contact with? The answer: more than I do now!
(P.S. please recycle.)
Okay, numero dos. I am going through a selfish conversation time. I say things to look impressive, to bring up things that I know about (or think I do), or to at least find a way to bring up me. And then there has been a more than average amount of complaining that messles its way in as well. But most of the time when I catch myself doing this in the midst of that conversation, I will apologize. But most of the time, the reaction to the apology is the statement, "That's okay. I like to listen." FYI, it's NOT okay. Being a good listener does not negate the fact that I am sinning. Friends, once again, I want to encourage you to be honest. It's okay to say which end is up.
I'm sure there is more. But I will save those things for another night.
Grace and Peace my friends.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
I'm Dying to Know
I don't know about you...but I'm dying of curiosity. Basically I'm writing this to poke and prod you to think about and respond to my last post. Why has honesty and bluntness been put on the back-burner for passive politeness?
Monday, July 6, 2009
Blunt and Honest
Honesty is a scary, yet wonderful thing. It knocks you off your feet, it puts you in your place, it makes you cry, it makes you laugh, and it helps you trust. Or at least, honesty does all of that for me.
As noted before, I have been reading The Kingdom of Couches. The chapter on conversations has been on my mind a lot lately…to the point of me re-reading that entire chapter. One of the things that is expressed is the importance of honesty to conversation, and thus to community. Honesty is something that you could say I’m passionate about or that I’m good at. That may be why I liked that chapter so much. But, honesty has had a huge impact on me this weekend.
The big one…I found out that the guy didn’t like me back. Slight ouch. But, we bluntly hashed it out…what was going through our minds and why he didn’t like me back, why I still wanted to get to know him, why things are the way they are. And that blunt honesty felt so good. I don’t normally get that kind of honesty from people. It was refreshing. (And just so you all know, it was nice that I found out right away that he didn’t like me, unlike scenarios that happened this school year…so, that’s a blessing.)
Also, a few different people have stated lately how blunt and honest I am. Part of me doesn’t get it…why is that a big deal? I know that bluntness is a part of who I am. But, have I been more so lately? If I have, then I haven’t recognized it. And why should honesty ever be surprising? Shouldn’t honesty be the standard?
Oh, and one of the things that this guy and I discussed (or rather, he asked), was how was it that I could be that open with somebody, especially somebody I don’t know that well yet. First off, I didn’t feel like I was being that open, or not any more so than I ever am…I was just being me. But why is it that people have a hard time saying what they really think? Some things that I picked up on out of The Kingdom of Couches…
>We can know each other only to the degree that we are honest with each other.
> By not being honest I manipulate how others get to feel.
> I sense that if we told people the truth in the positive sense, telling them the truth in the negative sense would not be as big of a deal.
> It’s amazing what you find out about people when you ask them about themselves.
>Conversation is a world of ironies: I use conversation to make people like or admire me, but the person that people come to like and admire is a phantom, a persona that I’ve carefully constructed to hide behind.
> It’s just that honesty is risky; it’s rarely politically correct. It’s easier to lie or to just keep things impersonal.
All I can say is, from my point of view, I want to encourage you all to be painfully honest. Because sometimes, after the initial scare and pain of that honesty, it feels so good to know that you said all the things you were thinking…plus, it encourages others to speak the honest truth as well.
By the way, I'm thankful to know all of you…and that’s an honest truth.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Wanting to Live the Life
In my last blog, I didn’t even know what to begin to say or if I wanted to say anything at all. Today, I am completely the opposite. I want to confess everything to you all, to be dreadfully honest, and to allow you to fully enter into my life. And I want to be able to do the same in all of your lives. You see, I’ve been reading the The Kingdom of Couches, and I see the merit in the community that Walker writes about.
First, I will start by saying that part of what I wrote in my last blog still remains a fixed opinion about my writing, in that I feel as though I can never fully communicate my thoughts well. Not that I do so in speaking or thinking either, but I feel as though writing is the worst of them all. So, you are forewarned. That also means that I will start by quoting some things that are impacting my thinking right now, as they tend to communicate things better than I.
“Dissecting a frog can be helpful in figuring out its inner workings, but it also tends to kill it,” taken from Brett’s blog in TKOC.
“Maybe the reason people have a hard time picking up the Bible is because someone else has already picked it apart,” also taken from Brett’s blog in TKOC. (both chp 5)
“I believe that much of our religious unbelief is due to a wrong conception of and a wrong feeling for the Scriptures of Truth. A silent God suddenly began to speak in a book and when the book was finished lapsed back into silence again forever. Now we read the book as a record of what God said when He was for a brief time in a speaking mood. With notions like that in our heads how can we believe? The facts are that God is not silent, has never been silent. It is the nature of God to speak. The second person of the Holy Trinity is called the Word.” A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God
I still have a hard time to read the Bible like its meant to be read…as being spoken and a reality here and now. Some parts of it have become monotonous and over redundant, as I’ve heard them used too many times (for instance, John 3:16…). In the last blog, I spoke about wanting to be inspired. That’s still true. I don’t feel inspired by the Word (Read the first chapter in Lamentations, and that’s kind of how I feel about where my faith is). But I want to be…I want to hear the voice of God speaking, like He should be. In conjunction with this, I really love the idea of getting together with someone and just taking turns to read the Word aloud. To bring voice and community back to the Scriptures.
I have just read Ezekiel 18. The chapter basically talks about personal responsibility, and how we will be judged for our sin and the next guy will be responsible for his sin. This connects with the above thought, in that if I want to be in that type of community action, then I must be pro-active about it. I can’t just wait for it to fall into my lap. Does anyone else like this idea? Even in the summer…we still have telephones….?
Also, this isn’t just about that idea, but about getting down to business in real life too. Here comes the confession part. One of my favorite words lately has been, “damn.” Swearing isn’t a sin to me (some is when used against others, I know). But I also know that it is not the most edifying use of my tongue. Another thing is that I tend to become a different Cassie around different people. And the people I have been around lately have been the ones that don’t make me want to be the most responsible, edifying person. I’m not a fan of my becoming that person. But my point is, that these symptoms are my personal responsibility, and it is time for me to get down to business to clean up the mess of my personality. Don’t pick apart my words to tell me that I shouldn’t rely on my own works to fix things…that’s not what I’m try to convey here. What I’m trying to say is, it’s time for me to focus back on who God wants me to be, and to do away with the rest.
Okay, so once again, its late and I need to rest my weary soul.
(wait…cool quote… You are a soul. You have a body.)
First, I will start by saying that part of what I wrote in my last blog still remains a fixed opinion about my writing, in that I feel as though I can never fully communicate my thoughts well. Not that I do so in speaking or thinking either, but I feel as though writing is the worst of them all. So, you are forewarned. That also means that I will start by quoting some things that are impacting my thinking right now, as they tend to communicate things better than I.
“Dissecting a frog can be helpful in figuring out its inner workings, but it also tends to kill it,” taken from Brett’s blog in TKOC.
“Maybe the reason people have a hard time picking up the Bible is because someone else has already picked it apart,” also taken from Brett’s blog in TKOC. (both chp 5)
“I believe that much of our religious unbelief is due to a wrong conception of and a wrong feeling for the Scriptures of Truth. A silent God suddenly began to speak in a book and when the book was finished lapsed back into silence again forever. Now we read the book as a record of what God said when He was for a brief time in a speaking mood. With notions like that in our heads how can we believe? The facts are that God is not silent, has never been silent. It is the nature of God to speak. The second person of the Holy Trinity is called the Word.” A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God
I still have a hard time to read the Bible like its meant to be read…as being spoken and a reality here and now. Some parts of it have become monotonous and over redundant, as I’ve heard them used too many times (for instance, John 3:16…). In the last blog, I spoke about wanting to be inspired. That’s still true. I don’t feel inspired by the Word (Read the first chapter in Lamentations, and that’s kind of how I feel about where my faith is). But I want to be…I want to hear the voice of God speaking, like He should be. In conjunction with this, I really love the idea of getting together with someone and just taking turns to read the Word aloud. To bring voice and community back to the Scriptures.
I have just read Ezekiel 18. The chapter basically talks about personal responsibility, and how we will be judged for our sin and the next guy will be responsible for his sin. This connects with the above thought, in that if I want to be in that type of community action, then I must be pro-active about it. I can’t just wait for it to fall into my lap. Does anyone else like this idea? Even in the summer…we still have telephones….?
Also, this isn’t just about that idea, but about getting down to business in real life too. Here comes the confession part. One of my favorite words lately has been, “damn.” Swearing isn’t a sin to me (some is when used against others, I know). But I also know that it is not the most edifying use of my tongue. Another thing is that I tend to become a different Cassie around different people. And the people I have been around lately have been the ones that don’t make me want to be the most responsible, edifying person. I’m not a fan of my becoming that person. But my point is, that these symptoms are my personal responsibility, and it is time for me to get down to business to clean up the mess of my personality. Don’t pick apart my words to tell me that I shouldn’t rely on my own works to fix things…that’s not what I’m try to convey here. What I’m trying to say is, it’s time for me to focus back on who God wants me to be, and to do away with the rest.
Okay, so once again, its late and I need to rest my weary soul.
(wait…cool quote… You are a soul. You have a body.)
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Truth Be Told
Every time I try to start writing a blog entry, I just end up erasing it. I don't feel as though I explain myself well, I don't usually know what I even really do want to say, and I feel as though I end up getting churchy answers that don't really emote much inspiration. So, with that being said, I'm going to be my usual self and just go for the straight forward approach.
I want to be inspired. I want to be inspired by art, by music, by dancing, by the sky, by knowledge, by the city, but most of all, I want to be inspired by God. But, being in the place I am now, I don’t feel inspired in my faith at all. And that makes me frustrated and apathetic. Even so, as A.W. Tozer has brought back to my attention this summer, God is still here…still working, still speaking. [Read The Pursuit of God…great stuff]
Katie knows this best of all, but something you should all know is that I’m quite frightened by making commitments, especially regular time commitments that aren’t work or school. I’m trying to be better about this. Since realizing this, I have made a one year commitment to the Big Brother, Big Sister mentoring program. (Hey GUYS…they NEED men for the program, so you should check it out!) I’m excited, but still scared. Also, as you all know, I will be a MP this coming school year. This doesn’t have to be a huge time commitment if I don’t want it to be, but I do want it to be. I want to do a good job at ministering to the girls in my hall, to be available to them. Also, I want to still be able to be there for all the other people in my life (which, if you haven’t noticed, is a lot…but in a greatly fantastic way). With all this, I still need to make a big time commitment to working, so that I can pay all the bills that I need and want to pay (I would like to be able to pay for my housing this year without taking out a loan, which would mean I would have to work enough to pay it off). It all appears a bit daunting.
Next, there is a guy (as per usual with me…lol). I’m trying not to over-analyze the signs, or to think much of it. I enjoy the friendship, and for right now, that’s exactly what it needs to be. But truth be told, I wish that somebody would find me special enough to be something more. Furthermore, I’m just kind of sick of being the girl that’s buddy-buddy with all the guys, gets flirted with, gets some special attention, but never gets asked out (or gets asked out on casual dates). I know I’m the rule, but I’m ready to be somebody’s exception (Amy, you should know what I’m getting at ). If anything, none of this is really a problem, its more just an insecurity. And I’m thinking that’s its one of those stupid Satan lies.
There is so much more I could say/confess, but right now it's late and I would like to head to bed.
I want to be inspired. I want to be inspired by art, by music, by dancing, by the sky, by knowledge, by the city, but most of all, I want to be inspired by God. But, being in the place I am now, I don’t feel inspired in my faith at all. And that makes me frustrated and apathetic. Even so, as A.W. Tozer has brought back to my attention this summer, God is still here…still working, still speaking. [Read The Pursuit of God…great stuff]
Katie knows this best of all, but something you should all know is that I’m quite frightened by making commitments, especially regular time commitments that aren’t work or school. I’m trying to be better about this. Since realizing this, I have made a one year commitment to the Big Brother, Big Sister mentoring program. (Hey GUYS…they NEED men for the program, so you should check it out!) I’m excited, but still scared. Also, as you all know, I will be a MP this coming school year. This doesn’t have to be a huge time commitment if I don’t want it to be, but I do want it to be. I want to do a good job at ministering to the girls in my hall, to be available to them. Also, I want to still be able to be there for all the other people in my life (which, if you haven’t noticed, is a lot…but in a greatly fantastic way). With all this, I still need to make a big time commitment to working, so that I can pay all the bills that I need and want to pay (I would like to be able to pay for my housing this year without taking out a loan, which would mean I would have to work enough to pay it off). It all appears a bit daunting.
Next, there is a guy (as per usual with me…lol). I’m trying not to over-analyze the signs, or to think much of it. I enjoy the friendship, and for right now, that’s exactly what it needs to be. But truth be told, I wish that somebody would find me special enough to be something more. Furthermore, I’m just kind of sick of being the girl that’s buddy-buddy with all the guys, gets flirted with, gets some special attention, but never gets asked out (or gets asked out on casual dates). I know I’m the rule, but I’m ready to be somebody’s exception (Amy, you should know what I’m getting at ). If anything, none of this is really a problem, its more just an insecurity. And I’m thinking that’s its one of those stupid Satan lies.
There is so much more I could say/confess, but right now it's late and I would like to head to bed.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Obedience
During the first half of this semester, I was so excited to get into God's Word. I was just plain excited about what the Lord was doing...period. But as the semester has worn on, I have lost much of that excitement. I haven't been as diligent about getting into the Word, and when I do, nothing really speaks to me. But I think most of this is me and my attitude.
So, for the past couple of days I have been reading Romans 8. I read it all the way through one day and then put my Bible aside, not really comprehending it but feeling satisfied that I put in my "Bible" time. But the next time I opened my Bible, I read the chapter again. And the next time, and then the next time. I just reread it over and over this past week. I can't explain to you why, and I still haven't grasped it all yet.
Vs. 35, "Who shall seperate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?"
The past couple of days, and especially today, I have been praying and thinking that I want to be committed to the Lord, regardless of how I feel. I want to pursue His Word with energy, even when it's not exciting. So what then is making me feel cut off from God if none of things in verse 35 is the case? Me. I need to pursue God at all times, especially with the right attitude. And not because I need or want to either...but because He who has saved and called me is faithful and deserves it.
Vs. 37, "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors THROUGH HIM who loved us (!)."
So, I pretty much already covered this point, but oh well. None of the things in verse 35 is sufficient to cut me off from God because through Christ, we are already more than conquerors over them (our sin nature). Christ is sufficient. He can bring me to the right spot before the Lord. If I am willing to go, that is.
Obedience. That's the word that sums this whole thought process up. Yep. Obedience.
So, for the past couple of days I have been reading Romans 8. I read it all the way through one day and then put my Bible aside, not really comprehending it but feeling satisfied that I put in my "Bible" time. But the next time I opened my Bible, I read the chapter again. And the next time, and then the next time. I just reread it over and over this past week. I can't explain to you why, and I still haven't grasped it all yet.
Vs. 35, "Who shall seperate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?"
The past couple of days, and especially today, I have been praying and thinking that I want to be committed to the Lord, regardless of how I feel. I want to pursue His Word with energy, even when it's not exciting. So what then is making me feel cut off from God if none of things in verse 35 is the case? Me. I need to pursue God at all times, especially with the right attitude. And not because I need or want to either...but because He who has saved and called me is faithful and deserves it.
Vs. 37, "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors THROUGH HIM who loved us (!)."
So, I pretty much already covered this point, but oh well. None of the things in verse 35 is sufficient to cut me off from God because through Christ, we are already more than conquerors over them (our sin nature). Christ is sufficient. He can bring me to the right spot before the Lord. If I am willing to go, that is.
Obedience. That's the word that sums this whole thought process up. Yep. Obedience.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Spent Valuables
So, this isn't completely thought out yet, but I thought I would get it out here before I just won't. Hope that made sense...:)
Anywho,
James 4:3~When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
>So, when I saw the word spend this time, I saw a whole new aspect of what that means. Not only can I spend my money on what "pleases" me, but even more so, I spend my emotions and my time on those things-and in my mind, those are far more valuable. And this goes back to my last post, in that relating who I am as a person at this time should not be on the emotions and time I spend with the guys or various other people in my life, but the emotions and time I spend with the Lord. I want to be receiving what I ask for, because I'm asking the Lord for the things what He wants, not me and my pleasures.
And with all of this, a couple verses later it talks about how good God is to us. Read on!
James 4:5-6a~ Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely? But he gives us more grace.
>The Lord caused the spirit to live in us, so that He could show us more grace. Even when we mess up and look for fulfillment and pleasure in all the wrong places. I'm really thankful for the God I serve. I'm a wreck, yet He still shows me so much grace, patience, and most of all, love.
>I was spending time with my accountability partner yesterday, and she told me a cool story about grace. She didn't send in an assignment in time, and in the e-mail she sent to her professor, she wrote that she didn't have any excuses, but she was asking for some grace with the assignment. The professor wrote back saying that she would extend the grace to her, that it was no big deal seeing as she hadn't even started grading the assignment yet, but don't abuse grace.
Isn't that how we should view the grace the Lord gives us?? It's no big deal, he'll give it to us freely and willingly, but that doesn't mean we should abuse it.
I hope you all have a good day, and I hope that what the Lord is teaching me can be a blessing to you!
Grace and peace to you.
Anywho,
James 4:3~When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
>So, when I saw the word spend this time, I saw a whole new aspect of what that means. Not only can I spend my money on what "pleases" me, but even more so, I spend my emotions and my time on those things-and in my mind, those are far more valuable. And this goes back to my last post, in that relating who I am as a person at this time should not be on the emotions and time I spend with the guys or various other people in my life, but the emotions and time I spend with the Lord. I want to be receiving what I ask for, because I'm asking the Lord for the things what He wants, not me and my pleasures.
And with all of this, a couple verses later it talks about how good God is to us. Read on!
James 4:5-6a~ Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely? But he gives us more grace.
>The Lord caused the spirit to live in us, so that He could show us more grace. Even when we mess up and look for fulfillment and pleasure in all the wrong places. I'm really thankful for the God I serve. I'm a wreck, yet He still shows me so much grace, patience, and most of all, love.
>I was spending time with my accountability partner yesterday, and she told me a cool story about grace. She didn't send in an assignment in time, and in the e-mail she sent to her professor, she wrote that she didn't have any excuses, but she was asking for some grace with the assignment. The professor wrote back saying that she would extend the grace to her, that it was no big deal seeing as she hadn't even started grading the assignment yet, but don't abuse grace.
Isn't that how we should view the grace the Lord gives us?? It's no big deal, he'll give it to us freely and willingly, but that doesn't mean we should abuse it.
I hope you all have a good day, and I hope that what the Lord is teaching me can be a blessing to you!
Grace and peace to you.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Learning About My Blessings
I just read through all the blogs I've posted and in doing so, I noticed not only the typing errors that I've made, but the life errors that I am still making. I feel as though I have back-tracked on a lot of the progress I've made in the past couple of months. And a lot of that back-tracking is from basing my reactions on how others, especially the men in my life, are treating me.
I'm still learning...everyday learning. And like I said in my first blog, it's perfect. Whether it's a good or bad day, it doesn't matter, it's still perfect. But the fact is, I am still learning and I still have a long way's to go in finding my satisfaction wholly in the Lord.
Another thing I'm learning, although quite different from the topic above, is that I am super blessed to have the people in my life that I do! I know that I am, but it's good to have it hit me in the face periodically to reopen my eyes to the enormity of that fact. For instance, I am freakishly blessed to have friends who will sit at the dentist with me for 6 hours and patiently deal with me when I become so frustrated to the point of throwing things! Who else does that?!? Only great friends would do that...thank you.
And while that example only pertains to 2 of the members of BCF, you all have showed me through various things the fact that you are great friends. I wish that I could express my gratitude to you more clearly than I will ever be able to.
But with all of this, I just want to point back to the Lord. I would not be me and you all would not be yourselves if it wasn't for our Father in heaven.
Thank you Lord for Your many blessings!
I'm still learning...everyday learning. And like I said in my first blog, it's perfect. Whether it's a good or bad day, it doesn't matter, it's still perfect. But the fact is, I am still learning and I still have a long way's to go in finding my satisfaction wholly in the Lord.
Another thing I'm learning, although quite different from the topic above, is that I am super blessed to have the people in my life that I do! I know that I am, but it's good to have it hit me in the face periodically to reopen my eyes to the enormity of that fact. For instance, I am freakishly blessed to have friends who will sit at the dentist with me for 6 hours and patiently deal with me when I become so frustrated to the point of throwing things! Who else does that?!? Only great friends would do that...thank you.
And while that example only pertains to 2 of the members of BCF, you all have showed me through various things the fact that you are great friends. I wish that I could express my gratitude to you more clearly than I will ever be able to.
But with all of this, I just want to point back to the Lord. I would not be me and you all would not be yourselves if it wasn't for our Father in heaven.
Thank you Lord for Your many blessings!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Small
Do you ever feel inadequate? I feel small and useless. That’s good because that’s what I am…apart from God. And sometimes when I feel this small, I can remember just how big my God is.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Satan's Stupid Lies
(Just so you're aware, this is a freakishly long post. But I haven't kept you updated very well, and in the past couple of days, much has happened. I just wanted to warn you, that's all.)
I just read Christine's post, and I've been sharing with some other people around campus, and I pretty sure that Satan is seeing all the growth that is going around campus and he HATES it. He's been attacking so many people with lies...big and small. But mostly, I think he's been getting us with the small ones.
I don't know how much I want to share with you all, because honestly, I don't feel like you are all a big part of my life. That's not anything you have done, but where I've placed you in my life. But just so you know, that's okay too, because you have each other and there have been other people in my life that God is using too. Pretty much my point is, I'm going to be honest and say that I'm not sure how much you need to know seeing as where we're at in our friendships.
There has been something that has been going on in my life that has made me focus unto the point of squinting on the Lord. It's been good, but that also means that it's been super challenging too. The Lord has been making things perfect, but not in my sight, at least not right away. I can see His hand in the little details, but I definitely don't understand all that He is doing. In that, I've had to go to the Word hard core to be okay with some of the things that have been going on. And with that, the Lord is faithful to provide me with just enough of His truth where I can go onto the next step, where once again, I will have to go back to the Word to keep going.
Small side note, this has also helped me see how important getting into the Word is, because when I haven't been in it, I can definitely see the toll it takes. I become so selfish in my speech, talking only of me, me, me. And, my bluntly honest tongue doesn't know when to shut it. So, FYI, getting into the Word DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!!!
Back to my other point. On Thursday night, before swing dancing, I knew that if I didn't get into the Word before I left, it would not be so good. (I'm bad at telling stories, but here is where I'll try to give you some bit of preface to this...lol) I know that I have a girl weakness of naturally wanting to make people jealous when they don't react the way I want them to (not every girl is like this, but I think that in all honesty, most of us are). I knew that I could make the night about me. BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT GIRL!! Honestly, as I write this, I'm crying because the Lord is still convicting me and I'm still struggling through this. And it hurts to know that I can be that selfish.
So, I went to the Word, and read 1 John. Here are some of the things that came forth:
2:6 Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.
3:18-19 Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence.
4:7-8 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
God knows exactly what we need to "hear" sometimes, and I definitely needed to hear all that He told me that night. But here is the part where Satan is attacking. When Jesus went into the desert and was tempted, he was tempted by Satan with Scripture. Well, on Friday, all those things that the Lord had graciously showed me through Scripture Thursday night were thrown back into my face. You see, part of this thing that is going on in my life is learning to have a brotherly, selfless love. But I'm still human, and I still get jealous. And Satan saw that. He was putting thoughts in my brain, like "You're not loving others perfectly. And you're jealously just shows you're scared. With that fear, you are not capable of having the love of God. And what does that say for your relationship with the Lord...if you don't show that love for others, you must not love Him."
And praise the Lord, because as this was going through my brain, I gave in and told God that it was true...I am not capable of loving like you need me to love. Here's the neat part. God spoke to my brain and told me, "You're absolutely right. You are not capable of doing that. But I am."
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
I feel like this blog could nicely end here, but you know what, life doesn't nicely round off the edges of any problem. So, I'm going to confess something else. I have trouble truly loving people who don't show their weaknesses. This goes for one person in particular. And this person is very well liked, and that just eats at me. I need help guys...I need prayer. With that, I also need your honesty.
I just read Christine's post, and I've been sharing with some other people around campus, and I pretty sure that Satan is seeing all the growth that is going around campus and he HATES it. He's been attacking so many people with lies...big and small. But mostly, I think he's been getting us with the small ones.
I don't know how much I want to share with you all, because honestly, I don't feel like you are all a big part of my life. That's not anything you have done, but where I've placed you in my life. But just so you know, that's okay too, because you have each other and there have been other people in my life that God is using too. Pretty much my point is, I'm going to be honest and say that I'm not sure how much you need to know seeing as where we're at in our friendships.
There has been something that has been going on in my life that has made me focus unto the point of squinting on the Lord. It's been good, but that also means that it's been super challenging too. The Lord has been making things perfect, but not in my sight, at least not right away. I can see His hand in the little details, but I definitely don't understand all that He is doing. In that, I've had to go to the Word hard core to be okay with some of the things that have been going on. And with that, the Lord is faithful to provide me with just enough of His truth where I can go onto the next step, where once again, I will have to go back to the Word to keep going.
Small side note, this has also helped me see how important getting into the Word is, because when I haven't been in it, I can definitely see the toll it takes. I become so selfish in my speech, talking only of me, me, me. And, my bluntly honest tongue doesn't know when to shut it. So, FYI, getting into the Word DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!!!
Back to my other point. On Thursday night, before swing dancing, I knew that if I didn't get into the Word before I left, it would not be so good. (I'm bad at telling stories, but here is where I'll try to give you some bit of preface to this...lol) I know that I have a girl weakness of naturally wanting to make people jealous when they don't react the way I want them to (not every girl is like this, but I think that in all honesty, most of us are). I knew that I could make the night about me. BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT GIRL!! Honestly, as I write this, I'm crying because the Lord is still convicting me and I'm still struggling through this. And it hurts to know that I can be that selfish.
So, I went to the Word, and read 1 John. Here are some of the things that came forth:
2:6 Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.
3:18-19 Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence.
4:7-8 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
God knows exactly what we need to "hear" sometimes, and I definitely needed to hear all that He told me that night. But here is the part where Satan is attacking. When Jesus went into the desert and was tempted, he was tempted by Satan with Scripture. Well, on Friday, all those things that the Lord had graciously showed me through Scripture Thursday night were thrown back into my face. You see, part of this thing that is going on in my life is learning to have a brotherly, selfless love. But I'm still human, and I still get jealous. And Satan saw that. He was putting thoughts in my brain, like "You're not loving others perfectly. And you're jealously just shows you're scared. With that fear, you are not capable of having the love of God. And what does that say for your relationship with the Lord...if you don't show that love for others, you must not love Him."
And praise the Lord, because as this was going through my brain, I gave in and told God that it was true...I am not capable of loving like you need me to love. Here's the neat part. God spoke to my brain and told me, "You're absolutely right. You are not capable of doing that. But I am."
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
I feel like this blog could nicely end here, but you know what, life doesn't nicely round off the edges of any problem. So, I'm going to confess something else. I have trouble truly loving people who don't show their weaknesses. This goes for one person in particular. And this person is very well liked, and that just eats at me. I need help guys...I need prayer. With that, I also need your honesty.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
A Prayer For Tonight
Father,
I don't think that I'm handling the life you've placed before me very well this week. I say I'm doing better, but inside, I'm still the same selfish girl.
Right now, there is a boy who just lost his mother down the hall. I don't know what to say, nor even what to think. But I know how it makes me feel. But that doesn't matter.
I know that you have been my Father when I didn't have one here on earth, but how does a guy look to you for the strength of a mother that he no longer cannot receive on earth? I know you will take care of him and that, in due time, everything will be alright. But right now, it's not. My world isn't ripped apart, so how can I relate or be a help or understand someone's life who's is? How can I be any of those things to those who are near to him and will actually be by his side in all of this?
Father, I'm confused. I want you to be with him, as I know you are. I don't know how to pray for him. I don't know what to say to You that will make anything better. Lord, You are in control, and right now, that's all I know.
I don't think that I'm handling the life you've placed before me very well this week. I say I'm doing better, but inside, I'm still the same selfish girl.
Right now, there is a boy who just lost his mother down the hall. I don't know what to say, nor even what to think. But I know how it makes me feel. But that doesn't matter.
I know that you have been my Father when I didn't have one here on earth, but how does a guy look to you for the strength of a mother that he no longer cannot receive on earth? I know you will take care of him and that, in due time, everything will be alright. But right now, it's not. My world isn't ripped apart, so how can I relate or be a help or understand someone's life who's is? How can I be any of those things to those who are near to him and will actually be by his side in all of this?
Father, I'm confused. I want you to be with him, as I know you are. I don't know how to pray for him. I don't know what to say to You that will make anything better. Lord, You are in control, and right now, that's all I know.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Skewed Relations
Today I was listening to a song at work, and all of a sudden a thought hit me in the face. Most of the relationships I have seen or been a part of (and not just romantic relationships, but friends, acqaintances, family, and stranger relationships too) have been mostly self-serving. Sure, once you get to know the other person, you want to do things for them too, but mostly, you're one half of that relationship because you get something out of it. And I don't like that...Not. One. Bit.
The song I was listening to is called "We're All the Same" by Lukas Haas. The lyrics that caught me are: "We're all the same, why do we tear ourselves apart? We all feel pain, cause we're all the same." Not the most profound, but what I needed to hear. And then other songs about love followed after that song about how hurt or wanting the person was.
Our relationships should not be because we enjoy this or that person, but because God has placed someone in our lives.
Philippians 2:3-5 ~ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: ...
Hebrews 10:23-25 ~ Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
I need so much help to see all the people in my life through the eyes of Christ. There are some people that I need to apologize to, because in the end "we're all the same...we all feel pain." And I want to grow to love people as Christ would have me love them...for the person he created them to be...not as the person that I want to have around.
The song I was listening to is called "We're All the Same" by Lukas Haas. The lyrics that caught me are: "We're all the same, why do we tear ourselves apart? We all feel pain, cause we're all the same." Not the most profound, but what I needed to hear. And then other songs about love followed after that song about how hurt or wanting the person was.
Our relationships should not be because we enjoy this or that person, but because God has placed someone in our lives.
Philippians 2:3-5 ~ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: ...
Hebrews 10:23-25 ~ Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
I need so much help to see all the people in my life through the eyes of Christ. There are some people that I need to apologize to, because in the end "we're all the same...we all feel pain." And I want to grow to love people as Christ would have me love them...for the person he created them to be...not as the person that I want to have around.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Running and Hugs
Girls, when you had a bad day, who did you instinctively want to run to? Did you go straight to your best friend, your mom, God... who? I have always wanted to instinctively run to my closest guy friend at the time because they were always the better listeners, they didn't try to remedy the situation with a story from their own life, and they gave far better hugs. No offense girls :)
Have any of you felt that way??
I wish this wasn't my initial thought and desire. I want my first instinct to be to run straight my Father in Heaven. He doesn't send me mixed signals, He has a far better "embrace," and He listens to me until I've talked myself blue in the face. What a great God we serve! Now, hopefully I can remember to run to Him the next time I have a bad day.
Have any of you felt that way??
I wish this wasn't my initial thought and desire. I want my first instinct to be to run straight my Father in Heaven. He doesn't send me mixed signals, He has a far better "embrace," and He listens to me until I've talked myself blue in the face. What a great God we serve! Now, hopefully I can remember to run to Him the next time I have a bad day.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Selfishness
Acts 17:25, 27~
"And [God] is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else.
God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each of us."
So, I'm sitting here in the library reading this passage. First, I come to verse 25, and it makes me feel so small and insignificant. Why did God, if he did not need me, make me? What's my purpose then?
But then verse 27 comes along. He made me because he wants me to know, reach out, and find him. It's not about me, its about the Lord.
And as I write this, the thoughts that come to my head as I type make me think, "Wow, my instance thoughts about the Word, and life in general, are ones of selfishness." I think that this is my greatest struggle. I don't think, I know.
I ask for help in this area, because I know that I think, talk, and act far too often on things that are only to benefit myself. If you catch me the act, will you please stop me? I don't want to be centered on myself, I want only to be centered on the God the Father. For only he is good.
"And [God] is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else.
God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each of us."
So, I'm sitting here in the library reading this passage. First, I come to verse 25, and it makes me feel so small and insignificant. Why did God, if he did not need me, make me? What's my purpose then?
But then verse 27 comes along. He made me because he wants me to know, reach out, and find him. It's not about me, its about the Lord.
And as I write this, the thoughts that come to my head as I type make me think, "Wow, my instance thoughts about the Word, and life in general, are ones of selfishness." I think that this is my greatest struggle. I don't think, I know.
I ask for help in this area, because I know that I think, talk, and act far too often on things that are only to benefit myself. If you catch me the act, will you please stop me? I don't want to be centered on myself, I want only to be centered on the God the Father. For only he is good.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Ecclesiates 3:10-11
Ecclesiastes 3: 10-11~ I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
The beginning of verse 11, "He has made everything beautiful in its time," has been the theme of what the Lord has been teaching me this school year. Now, let me grant you a bit of a preface. First semester was busy and I was frustrated with the Northwestern way of life. This made me push away people from Northwestern, especially Northwestern girls, and pushed me to find friends in the strangest of places...a coffee shop. Most of you reading know that I'm referring to my "secret place" and most of you have probably been forced into listening to my stories of the people I've met there. I'm sorry that I cannot shut my mouth sometimes, but I'm still excited about those people. :) That first semester was completely beautiful.
But something happened finals week. I made plans with people, and plans failed, as they sometimes do. And from this, I was hurt. Then I went home for break, sat in front of the TV, and waited for the time when I could come back to Minnesota. It has come, and it has come with a roar! You see, I had a birthday party. The people I had distanced myself from in the first semester were the ones who came and filled the night with so much more than I could have asked for! (Thank you so much!) The ones who I had made my friends to distance myself from the others were the ones who did not show. They had made other plans. And that's okay, but you see, God made everything beautiful in its time. First semester, I needed to learn about God from all those other people, but this semester, God has blessed me so much in showing me all the wonderful people around me!! I am blessed, and sometimes I can forget about that so easily. But then, I look behind me, see what's there, and then I look what's right in front of me, see what's there too, and then I know...truly know...that the Lord has made EVERYTHING beautiful in its time!
The beginning of verse 11, "He has made everything beautiful in its time," has been the theme of what the Lord has been teaching me this school year. Now, let me grant you a bit of a preface. First semester was busy and I was frustrated with the Northwestern way of life. This made me push away people from Northwestern, especially Northwestern girls, and pushed me to find friends in the strangest of places...a coffee shop. Most of you reading know that I'm referring to my "secret place" and most of you have probably been forced into listening to my stories of the people I've met there. I'm sorry that I cannot shut my mouth sometimes, but I'm still excited about those people. :) That first semester was completely beautiful.
But something happened finals week. I made plans with people, and plans failed, as they sometimes do. And from this, I was hurt. Then I went home for break, sat in front of the TV, and waited for the time when I could come back to Minnesota. It has come, and it has come with a roar! You see, I had a birthday party. The people I had distanced myself from in the first semester were the ones who came and filled the night with so much more than I could have asked for! (Thank you so much!) The ones who I had made my friends to distance myself from the others were the ones who did not show. They had made other plans. And that's okay, but you see, God made everything beautiful in its time. First semester, I needed to learn about God from all those other people, but this semester, God has blessed me so much in showing me all the wonderful people around me!! I am blessed, and sometimes I can forget about that so easily. But then, I look behind me, see what's there, and then I look what's right in front of me, see what's there too, and then I know...truly know...that the Lord has made EVERYTHING beautiful in its time!
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