Confusion and Confession

Reading through Matthew 26 and questions and observations were brought forth in my mind.
First: In verse 25, after Jesus tells his disciples that one will betray him, Judas asks Jesus, "Surely not I, Rabbi?" to which Jesus responded, "Yes, it is you." I am so confused about this verse because there is no reaction reported. No one stood up and threatened him, Judas doesn't sulk away at this point, nobody does nothing. I know that this probably isn't the case, but Matthew choose not to disclose anything else on the matter. Why? It kind of seems like a big deal to me.

Second: I think that I'm a lot like Peter. I will stand up and be boastful about my relationship with the Lord at times, but there are other times where I will deny him time and again. In the end, I always come back to Lord, but praise Jesus that he is patient with me!

Jesus Killed It

Romans 6:2~ We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?

When my children look back on my life, what will they see? What will be the image they conjure up of their mother in the days of her youth? Will they see only good or bad? Will they see a hypocrite?

I think that its important for them to know the truth. I am a sinner. Sometimes it seems that I'm the biggest sinner, even in comparison to some of those who have no faith in Christ.

I did die to sin, but my sinner self wants to go back to what it knows.
*It knows that its "easier" to try to ignore the fact that I don't want to say the truth because of the possibility of being the bad guy and no more free rides.
*It knows that maintaining a relationship with Jesus takes effort, when all I seem to want to do is live the "easy" life.
*It knows that doing my best takes effort too.
*It knows that I'm selfish, and It tries to maintain that. Because when I'm selfish, I am that much closer to being one of the cool kids.

But Jesus killed It. Now it's my choice to live in its rot or to live in His salvation.

Choices

"am i just afraid
a sad little girl hiding under excuses
or do i know myself like i say i do" - Danae Iverson

I need to make a choice. That's not even a completely honest statement, as I have already made the choice. I don't like him like that. But I sure do enjoy being his friend. So why is it so hard to tell him? I say that I know how to be blunt and honest, but I've had two chances already. Two chances come and gone, leaving me with the reminder that I have yet to say some blunt and honest words. I don't want to lead him on, as he deserves far better. But I don't want to be the bad guy. But usually I don't care. Just as long as the honest truth comes out. But do I really know myself the way I say I do? The choices I've made say no. But the choice that I've made says that I need to.