Forgiveness

Tonight at church, Pastor Steve Treichler talked about conflict resolution. And I was convicted.

You see, my heart has been broken and hurt by somebody, and in attempting to heal myself, I have made my heart hardened and bitter towards that person. This person was somebody that has proclaimed to be a Christian but I have seen very little evidence of this in their life in the past year. I have been made angry and bitter by the mistakes and "wrongs" that I thought that this person has done. All things have been "their fault" in my mind and I have been so sinful in attempting to persuade many others around this person to feel the same as I do about them. That in and of itself is a sin that they Lord is convicting me of.

But tonight, Steve made a statement about as Christians and forgiveness. He stated that Christians do not have the choice in forgiving someone, as we are to always forgive. I have not been forgiving this person of anything. I've been clinging to the wrongs and the hurts that I have felt and have been holding it against them. I have been angry and have wanted some sort of revenge.
Further more, the hurt I have felt has been purely selfish. It's been all about my hurt and the wrongs done against me. It didn't really dawn on me until today that it should hurt more that this person has been walking away from the Lord. In my bitterness and anger, I have not once prayed for them. I can only imagine that my feelings and actions towards this person was more of a hindrance in their walk with the Lord than anything else. I'm ashamed to say that I haven't cared about this fact until tonight.

So tonight I am starting to ask the Lord, first, to forgive me of my sins, and then secondly, to help me to forgive others myself.