Satan's Stupid Lies

(Just so you're aware, this is a freakishly long post. But I haven't kept you updated very well, and in the past couple of days, much has happened. I just wanted to warn you, that's all.)

I just read Christine's post, and I've been sharing with some other people around campus, and I pretty sure that Satan is seeing all the growth that is going around campus and he HATES it. He's been attacking so many people with lies...big and small. But mostly, I think he's been getting us with the small ones.

I don't know how much I want to share with you all, because honestly, I don't feel like you are all a big part of my life. That's not anything you have done, but where I've placed you in my life. But just so you know, that's okay too, because you have each other and there have been other people in my life that God is using too. Pretty much my point is, I'm going to be honest and say that I'm not sure how much you need to know seeing as where we're at in our friendships.

There has been something that has been going on in my life that has made me focus unto the point of squinting on the Lord. It's been good, but that also means that it's been super challenging too. The Lord has been making things perfect, but not in my sight, at least not right away. I can see His hand in the little details, but I definitely don't understand all that He is doing. In that, I've had to go to the Word hard core to be okay with some of the things that have been going on. And with that, the Lord is faithful to provide me with just enough of His truth where I can go onto the next step, where once again, I will have to go back to the Word to keep going.
Small side note, this has also helped me see how important getting into the Word is, because when I haven't been in it, I can definitely see the toll it takes. I become so selfish in my speech, talking only of me, me, me. And, my bluntly honest tongue doesn't know when to shut it. So, FYI, getting into the Word DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!!!

Back to my other point. On Thursday night, before swing dancing, I knew that if I didn't get into the Word before I left, it would not be so good. (I'm bad at telling stories, but here is where I'll try to give you some bit of preface to this...lol) I know that I have a girl weakness of naturally wanting to make people jealous when they don't react the way I want them to (not every girl is like this, but I think that in all honesty, most of us are). I knew that I could make the night about me. BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT GIRL!! Honestly, as I write this, I'm crying because the Lord is still convicting me and I'm still struggling through this. And it hurts to know that I can be that selfish.

So, I went to the Word, and read 1 John. Here are some of the things that came forth:

2:6 Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.

3:18-19 Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence.

4:7-8 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

God knows exactly what we need to "hear" sometimes, and I definitely needed to hear all that He told me that night. But here is the part where Satan is attacking. When Jesus went into the desert and was tempted, he was tempted by Satan with Scripture. Well, on Friday, all those things that the Lord had graciously showed me through Scripture Thursday night were thrown back into my face. You see, part of this thing that is going on in my life is learning to have a brotherly, selfless love. But I'm still human, and I still get jealous. And Satan saw that. He was putting thoughts in my brain, like "You're not loving others perfectly. And you're jealously just shows you're scared. With that fear, you are not capable of having the love of God. And what does that say for your relationship with the Lord...if you don't show that love for others, you must not love Him."

And praise the Lord, because as this was going through my brain, I gave in and told God that it was true...I am not capable of loving like you need me to love. Here's the neat part. God spoke to my brain and told me, "You're absolutely right. You are not capable of doing that. But I am."

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

I feel like this blog could nicely end here, but you know what, life doesn't nicely round off the edges of any problem. So, I'm going to confess something else. I have trouble truly loving people who don't show their weaknesses. This goes for one person in particular. And this person is very well liked, and that just eats at me. I need help guys...I need prayer. With that, I also need your honesty.