So, this is right after chapel--thus, this will be a quick thought. Just thought I would get it down before I forgot altogether.
In regards to what the Lord is teaching me, a realization hit during the first couple of songs in chapel today. These thoughts are not new and original, but definitely needed to be realized.
Preface: swing dancing, I love. But, it also can bring out my "growth areas." Anywho, I was realizing that the flirting and whatnot is a manifestation of trying to find value or worth. My worth does not come from some man's attention toward me, pursual of me, or anything else any person can show or give me. No, my worth comes through the fact that I am a child of God. I am called friend. I am forgiven, because Christ went to the cross. I am loved by the King of Kings. That is where my worth is. But, I don't always accept that, and my actions can clearly show it. Like when I try to flirt my way into having some guy at swing dancing like me/want to dance with me.
There is the Psalm (I forgot which one) that came to mind during chapel in regards to all these thoughts. "Create in me a pure heart and a steadfast spirit within me." I want to have a heart that truly knows its worth, that is pure before the Lord, and a spirit that keeps me pursuing to keep my heart that way.
I'm realizing this more and more each day. Some times, like at dancing, I stumble in my journey there.
Well, I need to head to class (see you in a few Erik...ha.)!
Friday, October 23, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
This Stage of My Life
So, I don't have a ton of time, but I thought that it might be okay to tell you about what I've been learning one day at a time.
Thus, I will start with the first point of the list I created yesterday. The first point was about the stage of life that the Lord has me in, and one of the descriptors for this stage is Single.
The last night that we spent at Amy's cabin, the Lord was bringing to my attention a lot of things. One of these things was being content in my singleness. I am flirt, as we are all aware. And basically, the Lord confronted me, and basically asked, "Why are you trying to fight the place I've put you? You're there for a reason." That place, as said before, is my singleness. Through much of my flirtatiousness, I was basically telling God that I am not okay with His plan for right now. BUT, I want to be. Practically, what that means for right now, is being intentional about hanging with the girls and not so much the boys, holding back on the flirting (this is HARD for me, but I'm learning!), and saying short prayers throughout the day to keep my eyes on the Lord.
I am struggling through and learning what it looks like to find all my contentment first and foremost in the Lord. I'm no-where near the end of this lesson, but I am a few steps closer than I was at the beginning of this semester.
Prayer requests: While I am trying to keep focused on the Lord and on my gal pals, it makes the smaller gestures that guys do seem that much bigger now. I'm struggling on not over-analyzing things, so if you think about it, pray that the Lord gives me the strength to tell myself the truth, and plainly, that I just don't try to look for the gestures--that I see things for what they really are. Thanks
So, now I should truly get back to homework. :)
Thus, I will start with the first point of the list I created yesterday. The first point was about the stage of life that the Lord has me in, and one of the descriptors for this stage is Single.
The last night that we spent at Amy's cabin, the Lord was bringing to my attention a lot of things. One of these things was being content in my singleness. I am flirt, as we are all aware. And basically, the Lord confronted me, and basically asked, "Why are you trying to fight the place I've put you? You're there for a reason." That place, as said before, is my singleness. Through much of my flirtatiousness, I was basically telling God that I am not okay with His plan for right now. BUT, I want to be. Practically, what that means for right now, is being intentional about hanging with the girls and not so much the boys, holding back on the flirting (this is HARD for me, but I'm learning!), and saying short prayers throughout the day to keep my eyes on the Lord.
I am struggling through and learning what it looks like to find all my contentment first and foremost in the Lord. I'm no-where near the end of this lesson, but I am a few steps closer than I was at the beginning of this semester.
Prayer requests: While I am trying to keep focused on the Lord and on my gal pals, it makes the smaller gestures that guys do seem that much bigger now. I'm struggling on not over-analyzing things, so if you think about it, pray that the Lord gives me the strength to tell myself the truth, and plainly, that I just don't try to look for the gestures--that I see things for what they really are. Thanks
So, now I should truly get back to homework. :)
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Walls
First off...Why doesn't anybody use this anymore?? Point a: there is no more BCF meetings from what I understand, so why aren't we using this to share those things with everyone still? Heb 10:25 "Let us not give up meeting together..." I understand that this isn't the best way of meeting together, but it is something. I would love to know what's going on in your life. Which brings me to Point b: I don't really see you all like I used to. I do still enjoy hearing about what the Lord is teaching you. Please tell me. :)
Secondly... I do not enjoy being busy! Having a schedule laid out before me is not really my thing. I like having the time to make spur of the moment decisions about living life, not merely how to get through it.
Thirdly...I thought I would share something that is happening in my life this week. We were told to write things down about the various stages of life based on Erickson's stages in Psych of Counseling. Here's what I ended up writing about early adulthood:
"I feel like everyone is trying to dig at my core. And its good. But with it, I need to have a good cry-- yet my schedule doesn't allow for it-- or when it does, I've had to keep myself so composed for so long that I can't. And then when my walls are down, it in the middle of a class that I don't want to cry in. I want to get at the bottom of this, but I want to be able to deal effectively with it."
We all build up walls in our lives to protect ourselves at points. Mine are up at all the wrong times lately.
Secondly... I do not enjoy being busy! Having a schedule laid out before me is not really my thing. I like having the time to make spur of the moment decisions about living life, not merely how to get through it.
Thirdly...I thought I would share something that is happening in my life this week. We were told to write things down about the various stages of life based on Erickson's stages in Psych of Counseling. Here's what I ended up writing about early adulthood:
"I feel like everyone is trying to dig at my core. And its good. But with it, I need to have a good cry-- yet my schedule doesn't allow for it-- or when it does, I've had to keep myself so composed for so long that I can't. And then when my walls are down, it in the middle of a class that I don't want to cry in. I want to get at the bottom of this, but I want to be able to deal effectively with it."
We all build up walls in our lives to protect ourselves at points. Mine are up at all the wrong times lately.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Psalm 40
As of right now, I don't have the time to say much at all (it's past midnight and I have a 7:50 tomorrow), but I thought if I don't write something now, I never will, and I'll probably forget about it later. As the saying goes, "There's no time like the present!"
I'm reading through the Psalms right now and tonight I came across Psalm 40. First, it caught my eye because the first 3 verses are the caption of a picture that I have in my head that I want to take sometime. But as I read further, I realized that the rest of this Psalm is holding quite true to how things are right now for me. Basically, something has finally caught my attention. It's not a strong grasp of an inspired verse (for example, what Ecclesiastes 3:11 had been to me in the past year), but it's God's word spoken at a normal level to my needy heart.
I'm reading through the Psalms right now and tonight I came across Psalm 40. First, it caught my eye because the first 3 verses are the caption of a picture that I have in my head that I want to take sometime. But as I read further, I realized that the rest of this Psalm is holding quite true to how things are right now for me. Basically, something has finally caught my attention. It's not a strong grasp of an inspired verse (for example, what Ecclesiastes 3:11 had been to me in the past year), but it's God's word spoken at a normal level to my needy heart.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Riding Bandwagons
It's been awhile since I've written last. And because of that, there is much to say, or so it seems.
Numero uno. I'm still not really inspired. I know that doesn't matter to God, but it still makes it hard to want to pursue Him like He should be.
This summer, I have gotten on the "green" bandwagon. I like to recycle, I like the idea of eating organic and natural foods, and I like to avoid the many ways to obtain cancer. I like all these things so much, that I'm pretty sure you'll hear about it in the very near future if you haven't heard about it already. But here's the kicker. In church on Sunday, the message was over I Corinthians 9 (the one about running the race). Cor (the associate pastor, giving the message) was talking about how the Romans, or whoever, when they would participate in their big gaming events would spend a long time (like 11 months) with a strict and vigorous training schedule that could not be compromised at all, or they could not participate in the games. Then he (Cor) read verse 25, "Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training [what I mentioned above]. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever." Cor also mentioned that the crown that the Romans won was a celery crown that was super temporary, as in it would only last for a day. He then asked us as a church, "if they do all that for a temporary prize, what should we be doing for our everlasting prize of Christ?"
This hit me... If I get as excited as I do about things like recycling (to the point of bringing it up in most conversations some how), how much more excited should I be about what Christ has done in my life? How much more should I be bringing Him up in everyday conversations with all those I come in contact with? The answer: more than I do now!
(P.S. please recycle.)
Okay, numero dos. I am going through a selfish conversation time. I say things to look impressive, to bring up things that I know about (or think I do), or to at least find a way to bring up me. And then there has been a more than average amount of complaining that messles its way in as well. But most of the time when I catch myself doing this in the midst of that conversation, I will apologize. But most of the time, the reaction to the apology is the statement, "That's okay. I like to listen." FYI, it's NOT okay. Being a good listener does not negate the fact that I am sinning. Friends, once again, I want to encourage you to be honest. It's okay to say which end is up.
I'm sure there is more. But I will save those things for another night.
Grace and Peace my friends.
Numero uno. I'm still not really inspired. I know that doesn't matter to God, but it still makes it hard to want to pursue Him like He should be.
This summer, I have gotten on the "green" bandwagon. I like to recycle, I like the idea of eating organic and natural foods, and I like to avoid the many ways to obtain cancer. I like all these things so much, that I'm pretty sure you'll hear about it in the very near future if you haven't heard about it already. But here's the kicker. In church on Sunday, the message was over I Corinthians 9 (the one about running the race). Cor (the associate pastor, giving the message) was talking about how the Romans, or whoever, when they would participate in their big gaming events would spend a long time (like 11 months) with a strict and vigorous training schedule that could not be compromised at all, or they could not participate in the games. Then he (Cor) read verse 25, "Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training [what I mentioned above]. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever." Cor also mentioned that the crown that the Romans won was a celery crown that was super temporary, as in it would only last for a day. He then asked us as a church, "if they do all that for a temporary prize, what should we be doing for our everlasting prize of Christ?"
This hit me... If I get as excited as I do about things like recycling (to the point of bringing it up in most conversations some how), how much more excited should I be about what Christ has done in my life? How much more should I be bringing Him up in everyday conversations with all those I come in contact with? The answer: more than I do now!
(P.S. please recycle.)
Okay, numero dos. I am going through a selfish conversation time. I say things to look impressive, to bring up things that I know about (or think I do), or to at least find a way to bring up me. And then there has been a more than average amount of complaining that messles its way in as well. But most of the time when I catch myself doing this in the midst of that conversation, I will apologize. But most of the time, the reaction to the apology is the statement, "That's okay. I like to listen." FYI, it's NOT okay. Being a good listener does not negate the fact that I am sinning. Friends, once again, I want to encourage you to be honest. It's okay to say which end is up.
I'm sure there is more. But I will save those things for another night.
Grace and Peace my friends.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
I'm Dying to Know
I don't know about you...but I'm dying of curiosity. Basically I'm writing this to poke and prod you to think about and respond to my last post. Why has honesty and bluntness been put on the back-burner for passive politeness?
Monday, July 6, 2009
Blunt and Honest
Honesty is a scary, yet wonderful thing. It knocks you off your feet, it puts you in your place, it makes you cry, it makes you laugh, and it helps you trust. Or at least, honesty does all of that for me.
As noted before, I have been reading The Kingdom of Couches. The chapter on conversations has been on my mind a lot lately…to the point of me re-reading that entire chapter. One of the things that is expressed is the importance of honesty to conversation, and thus to community. Honesty is something that you could say I’m passionate about or that I’m good at. That may be why I liked that chapter so much. But, honesty has had a huge impact on me this weekend.
The big one…I found out that the guy didn’t like me back. Slight ouch. But, we bluntly hashed it out…what was going through our minds and why he didn’t like me back, why I still wanted to get to know him, why things are the way they are. And that blunt honesty felt so good. I don’t normally get that kind of honesty from people. It was refreshing. (And just so you all know, it was nice that I found out right away that he didn’t like me, unlike scenarios that happened this school year…so, that’s a blessing.)
Also, a few different people have stated lately how blunt and honest I am. Part of me doesn’t get it…why is that a big deal? I know that bluntness is a part of who I am. But, have I been more so lately? If I have, then I haven’t recognized it. And why should honesty ever be surprising? Shouldn’t honesty be the standard?
Oh, and one of the things that this guy and I discussed (or rather, he asked), was how was it that I could be that open with somebody, especially somebody I don’t know that well yet. First off, I didn’t feel like I was being that open, or not any more so than I ever am…I was just being me. But why is it that people have a hard time saying what they really think? Some things that I picked up on out of The Kingdom of Couches…
>We can know each other only to the degree that we are honest with each other.
> By not being honest I manipulate how others get to feel.
> I sense that if we told people the truth in the positive sense, telling them the truth in the negative sense would not be as big of a deal.
> It’s amazing what you find out about people when you ask them about themselves.
>Conversation is a world of ironies: I use conversation to make people like or admire me, but the person that people come to like and admire is a phantom, a persona that I’ve carefully constructed to hide behind.
> It’s just that honesty is risky; it’s rarely politically correct. It’s easier to lie or to just keep things impersonal.
All I can say is, from my point of view, I want to encourage you all to be painfully honest. Because sometimes, after the initial scare and pain of that honesty, it feels so good to know that you said all the things you were thinking…plus, it encourages others to speak the honest truth as well.
By the way, I'm thankful to know all of you…and that’s an honest truth.
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