What Do I Really Need?

It's a bit crazy that I was thinking about sharing this story with you and then the speaker today in chapel also went over the same passage that I was thinking about.

Matthew 9:2-7 Some men brought to him a paralytic, lying on a mat. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Take heart, son; your sins are forgiven."
At this, some of the teachers of the law said to themselves, "This fellow is blaspheming!"
Knowing their thoughts, Jesus said, "Why do you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts? Which is easier: to say, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Get up and walk'? But so that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins..." Then he said to the paralytic, "Get up, take your mat and go home." And the man got up and went home.

I have joined a small group at church and we have been going over Matthew. This passage came up a few weeks ago and when we were discussing it, a really good point was brought up. The paralytic's biggest concern was probably the fact that he couldn't walk and he heard that there was this man Jesus who heals people. So, he found a way to be brought to Jesus, hoping to walk. So, when the first thing Jesus tells him is that his sins are forgiven, I wonder if he was bummed at all? In small group, someone said something really great: Jesus was concerned about the paralytic's biggest need, which was a spiritual need of forgiveness. Then he takes care of the man's physical needs. This also gave Jesus an opportunity to show the validity of His statements...He does have the power to forgive, He is the Son of God.

After this point was brought up, the application point was brought forward: What is my biggest need right now? What sin do I need to be rid of? What grace do I need to recognize?

The reason I was thinking about this point this morning is in regard to my hard week(s). I want so desperately for things to be different right now. But then, God is still God, He still has the power...So what need or sin is there that I'm not fully aware of? Right now, I'm a bit like how I imagine the paralytic initially was. I'm bummed that I'm not seeing the results I thought I initially would, that I still can't walk. But I recognize that God is dealing with a bigger need/sin right now. It's just hard to wait for it all.

Which brings me to another point. In our hall Bible study, we are reading this fictional story about how the life of Mary, the mother of Jesus, might have been. Right now in the story, Jesus is at the age of 15 and Mary is eager and antsy to see Jesus be the ruler of the Jewish people...to set them free. Little does she know, she will have to wait another 18 YEARS! to see the work of her son. And then it doesn't even end with him on a throne, but a cross.
Like I said earlier, I want so desperately for things to be different. But I need to wait. I don't know for how long, but it might be long. But I'm antsy now and it's only been a week and a half. Like I mentioned in the last post, I would really appreciate prayer. A more specific request would be that I be patient to wait for the Lord's timing and that I'm obedient to His will. Like Mary, I'm hoping for good things and I don't know what the future holds. But there is the chance that I will have to wait for a long time to see something much harder than what I've been hoping for. And this sucks now, so I would need SO MUCH OF HIS STRENGTH if it should get harder.

Basically: What is it that I really need? I need Jesus and His grace.

Undeserving

I have had a rough week, and I'm sure that the next couple of weeks are going to be a struggle too. That's all I really want to devolve about the subject, but I would love prayer. I know that because of what's going on, I'm learning big lessons about the Lord and putting Him first. One night was really bad, and the Lord brought to my attention Isaiah 48:11:

~ For my own sake, for my own sake, I do this. How can I let myself be defamed? I will not yield my glory to another.~

So, this hard time is not without reason. But that doesn't make it any less hard. That's why I ask for your prayer. Plus, I've come to realize more and more about the importance of prayer and diving into the Word (two posts earlier talks a bit about this same topic), and so it just seems like the best option. To ask for it, that is.

Another thing that I've thought about today...First, the Word. :)

Isaiah 43:1-5a:
But now, this is what the Lord says--he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead. Since you are precious and honored in my sight and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you..."

Reference to another earlier post, but I am still learning what love really is. What I know is that I do not always love the Lord to the extent that He deserves to be. But, as shown through the passage above, the Lord loves me (and every one of you) so much more than I ever deserve to be. I am undeserving, yet He is so loving. Loving enough to bring me through hard times so that I may grow closer to Him.

Isaiah 44:8b "No, there is no other Rock; I know not one."

I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar

I am a woman created by God.

I am strong,
But I am also dominating, insecure, possessive.

I am caring,
But I am also needy, passive, emotional.

I am nurturing,
But I am also smothering, manipulative.

I have a lot of good characteristics that God has placed within me, by His grace and power. But I also have tendencies towards many bad characteristics that have lingered since The Fall. There are some days when I have no clue of my sin, but there are days like today when I feel them oh so strongly. But I have hope, for I have a Savior that wishes to refine me. Refinement hurts, but I know that it brings about better more beautiful things.

Good Words

Something I've already known, but has been reiterated in my life recently...it is so good to spend quality time in God's word. I've been reading in Deuteronomy lately, and this morning 32:47 stuck out: "They are not just idle words for you--they are your life." This comes after a warning to the Israelites of how easy it will be for them to follow idols, but I think that it's a statement that could be applied to all of Scripture. The Bible is not merely a book filled with text that is meaningless,idle words, but rather it is a book filled with words that draw us closer to our Maker.

Also, when I spend quality time in the Word, my prayer life is much more fruitful. My desire to speak with the Lord is often correlated to how much time I spend listening to what He has to say in His Word. And it feels so good to be closer to Him.

Thankful Worship

Thank you Lord for the things you have granted and given me!
Thank you for making me a woman! Thank you that I get to wear skirts and get to cry shamelessly.
Thank you for giving me long hair. I love the way it makes me feel more feminine and wild.
Thank you for homework and the things that I learn from it. Thank you for giving it to me if only to let me know the satisfaction of knowing hard work and accomplishment.
Thank you for friends. You have blessed me with so many people who are willing to help me, to be helped by me, to listen, to sit with, to cry in front of, to warm my feet, to care. It's almost too much. Thank you for showing yourself through them.
Lord, thank you for the sunshine and the warmth. But also thank you for the magic of winter! Thank you for placing me in a climate that experiences both.
Thank you for days to feel pretty. But also thank you for giving me the humbling days when I don't.
Thank you for reminding me of Yourself through all these things. Lord, there is so much I could thank you for! For you are unchanging. Faithful. True.

Confusion and Confession

Reading through Matthew 26 and questions and observations were brought forth in my mind.
First: In verse 25, after Jesus tells his disciples that one will betray him, Judas asks Jesus, "Surely not I, Rabbi?" to which Jesus responded, "Yes, it is you." I am so confused about this verse because there is no reaction reported. No one stood up and threatened him, Judas doesn't sulk away at this point, nobody does nothing. I know that this probably isn't the case, but Matthew choose not to disclose anything else on the matter. Why? It kind of seems like a big deal to me.

Second: I think that I'm a lot like Peter. I will stand up and be boastful about my relationship with the Lord at times, but there are other times where I will deny him time and again. In the end, I always come back to Lord, but praise Jesus that he is patient with me!

Jesus Killed It

Romans 6:2~ We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?

When my children look back on my life, what will they see? What will be the image they conjure up of their mother in the days of her youth? Will they see only good or bad? Will they see a hypocrite?

I think that its important for them to know the truth. I am a sinner. Sometimes it seems that I'm the biggest sinner, even in comparison to some of those who have no faith in Christ.

I did die to sin, but my sinner self wants to go back to what it knows.
*It knows that its "easier" to try to ignore the fact that I don't want to say the truth because of the possibility of being the bad guy and no more free rides.
*It knows that maintaining a relationship with Jesus takes effort, when all I seem to want to do is live the "easy" life.
*It knows that doing my best takes effort too.
*It knows that I'm selfish, and It tries to maintain that. Because when I'm selfish, I am that much closer to being one of the cool kids.

But Jesus killed It. Now it's my choice to live in its rot or to live in His salvation.