My life is full right now, although not packed. But full enough to keep me tired and always on the go. School, work, Swing Club, dancing, church, laundry, friends, family, dates, groceries...the list goes on. I don't mean for this to be a pity rant because I knowingly did and do this to myself. I enjoy a lot of it too, although I do wish I had the freedom of spontaneity. Anywho...that's a quick overview of what has been filling my time.
That's what has been filling my time, but that's not always what's been filling my heart and soul.
I've been running on a spiritually low gas tank for some time now. Part of that is that I make the excuse that I'm too busy or tired to open up God's Word at the end of the day. Clearly, this is no excuse and I'm beginning to feel the effects of making this for an excuse.
I've seen the effects most clearly in the bitterness I feel towards somebody that has and continues to be a hurtful presence in my life. This negative feeling of bitterness has in the course of a week strengthened and festered its way outwards (if you see me flip the bird at any given point, you now know why). I'm not satisfied with my actions. I want to be filled with the forgiveness and love of Christ and not the awful corrosion of bitter hurt and anger.
I want to be filled once again with the guidance of God's Holy Spirit. I want my cup to be overflowing so that I can pour into others with abundance. There are certain people that I have in mind, but also for the sake of Swing Club. I want Christ to be glorified through my relationships, but if I'm starting to run on empty, there's a good chance that I will act selfishly.
I know that my thoughts do not form a cohesive whole, but at least it's an update. And I need desperately to sleep now, so I bid you adieu.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Behind the Glass Case
I read multiple books by Elizabeth Elliot this summer. Mostly because I desperately needed to hear what she had to say.
In her most popular book Passion and Purity, she wrote this:
"I wanted to marry a man prepared to swim against the tide. I took it for granted that there must be a few men left in the world who had that kind of strength. I assumed that those men would also be looking for women of principle. I did not want to be among the marked-down goods on the bargain table, cheap because they'd been pawed over. Crowds collect there. It is only few who will pay full price."
While I am work, I have the opportunity to think a lot. This past week, I thought quite a bit about this quote. While doing so, I came to the realization that I don't always mind being "pawed over." It is momentarily satisfactory to feel wanted, and just like at the store, more people pay attention when there is a sale. But that also means that the value of the desired object is lowered.
When I thought about what was cheap and what was expensive at the store, I equated E. Elliot's full priced items to fine jewelry. Gold and diamonds are expensive and are locked behind a glass case. When people walk into a department store, often they will bypass the fine jewelry for items that are more readily affordable. But when that fine jewelry is really a gem of a girl, it can get lonely watching everybody pass by. It makes one want to put out the Sale sign to catch some attention.
So this is my confession. It's hard to wait for the one who will pay full price. Sometimes I buy into the lie that that kind of man doesn't exist. Sometimes I forget to fight the urge to live a life that speaks of my value (which is found only through Christ). Sometimes I want to be "pawed over."
Sometimes, but not always. I will, by the grace of God, continue to fight the good fight.
In her most popular book Passion and Purity, she wrote this:
"I wanted to marry a man prepared to swim against the tide. I took it for granted that there must be a few men left in the world who had that kind of strength. I assumed that those men would also be looking for women of principle. I did not want to be among the marked-down goods on the bargain table, cheap because they'd been pawed over. Crowds collect there. It is only few who will pay full price."
While I am work, I have the opportunity to think a lot. This past week, I thought quite a bit about this quote. While doing so, I came to the realization that I don't always mind being "pawed over." It is momentarily satisfactory to feel wanted, and just like at the store, more people pay attention when there is a sale. But that also means that the value of the desired object is lowered.
When I thought about what was cheap and what was expensive at the store, I equated E. Elliot's full priced items to fine jewelry. Gold and diamonds are expensive and are locked behind a glass case. When people walk into a department store, often they will bypass the fine jewelry for items that are more readily affordable. But when that fine jewelry is really a gem of a girl, it can get lonely watching everybody pass by. It makes one want to put out the Sale sign to catch some attention.
So this is my confession. It's hard to wait for the one who will pay full price. Sometimes I buy into the lie that that kind of man doesn't exist. Sometimes I forget to fight the urge to live a life that speaks of my value (which is found only through Christ). Sometimes I want to be "pawed over."
Sometimes, but not always. I will, by the grace of God, continue to fight the good fight.
We Fall Down and Get Back Up
I Peter 2:11-12 ~ "Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us."
CONVICTION!
Yesterday, there was Dance Day at the Tea Garden in Uptown, which ended with a soul swing party (which usually means a little more risque dancing). Later in the evening, some Northwestern kids came in for a bro/sis hall event...which means that it was predominantly freshmen. And while they were there, I made the not wise choice of partaking in some of the more risque dancing that was happening.
Now, I don't feel the cut of conviction deep down, but that doesn't mean that I don't know what I did was wrong. It was fun to dance that way, but that's where a lot of sin can take over. I think a good chunk of our sin is that which starts in the gray area and leads us further down the wide path (Matt. 7:13). The other part is that obedience to God does not frequently rest upon how we feel. It felt fun, I don't feel incredibly cut to the heart about it, but that does not stop the fact that I disobeyed and made a mistake. And not only to the NWC freshmen, but to the dancers I'm around on a regular basis. I did not abstain from my sinful desires (which includes the fact that I was selfish to overlook the chance that I could have made another stumble), I did not lead by living such a good life, I did wrong. I'm sorry.
Praise the Lord that He is full of second chances. He has already forgiven me. I am undeserving, but thankful.
CONVICTION!
Yesterday, there was Dance Day at the Tea Garden in Uptown, which ended with a soul swing party (which usually means a little more risque dancing). Later in the evening, some Northwestern kids came in for a bro/sis hall event...which means that it was predominantly freshmen. And while they were there, I made the not wise choice of partaking in some of the more risque dancing that was happening.
Now, I don't feel the cut of conviction deep down, but that doesn't mean that I don't know what I did was wrong. It was fun to dance that way, but that's where a lot of sin can take over. I think a good chunk of our sin is that which starts in the gray area and leads us further down the wide path (Matt. 7:13). The other part is that obedience to God does not frequently rest upon how we feel. It felt fun, I don't feel incredibly cut to the heart about it, but that does not stop the fact that I disobeyed and made a mistake. And not only to the NWC freshmen, but to the dancers I'm around on a regular basis. I did not abstain from my sinful desires (which includes the fact that I was selfish to overlook the chance that I could have made another stumble), I did not lead by living such a good life, I did wrong. I'm sorry.
Praise the Lord that He is full of second chances. He has already forgiven me. I am undeserving, but thankful.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Challenges
The Lord has taught me so much in the past couple of months. It's crazy how pain and struggle can push you the closest to the Lord.
Tonight, I was spending time with the Lord when He challenged me on something. He pointed out how sometimes falling on my face and consequently pushing away God has been the very thing that helps me come back to Him and listen. But then He asked me if I would let a friend do the same thing. I didn't hear an audible voice, but God was telling me, "Cassie, what I'm asking of you will hurt a lot. They will hurt you, they will hurt themselves, and they're going to hurt Me too. But are you willing to let them so that I can be glorified in the end?"
Even having God ask this of me hurts. But I want to obedient.
So this is my prayer request. I want to stay strong and obedient to the Lord, but "hands-off" on whatever this means for my friend. And I ask for peace about it. Because right now, my soul is warring at this concept. I do not want to let a friend make big mistakes, but the Lord is in control, not me.
Tonight, I was spending time with the Lord when He challenged me on something. He pointed out how sometimes falling on my face and consequently pushing away God has been the very thing that helps me come back to Him and listen. But then He asked me if I would let a friend do the same thing. I didn't hear an audible voice, but God was telling me, "Cassie, what I'm asking of you will hurt a lot. They will hurt you, they will hurt themselves, and they're going to hurt Me too. But are you willing to let them so that I can be glorified in the end?"
Even having God ask this of me hurts. But I want to obedient.
So this is my prayer request. I want to stay strong and obedient to the Lord, but "hands-off" on whatever this means for my friend. And I ask for peace about it. Because right now, my soul is warring at this concept. I do not want to let a friend make big mistakes, but the Lord is in control, not me.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Prayer Request
This is short, but I just wanted to ask for prayer...
I have not been spending much time with the Lord at all lately. Would you pray that this would change and that I would more excited about spending time in His Word in comparison to all else (including things like facebook)?
That's all. Thanks.
I have not been spending much time with the Lord at all lately. Would you pray that this would change and that I would more excited about spending time in His Word in comparison to all else (including things like facebook)?
That's all. Thanks.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Conviction
Romans 12:9-21 has been a convicting piece of Scripture to me in the past months.
"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord. On the contrary:
'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.'
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."
This applies to my life in a few ways right now:
"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord. On the contrary:
'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.'
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."
This applies to my life in a few ways right now:
- I still have bad days. But the Lord is using this time to teach me things and to point out the sins I need to overcome. It's good to be reminded in this time to "be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."
- In my sin, my reaction to this hard time is often to try and one up the other party, to hurt, and to be proud. I want to HATE what is evil and cling to what is good. I want to live right and in peace with all as far as it depends on me.
- Dancing is my thing. It's hard to deal with friends and other people who are learning because my knowledge and understanding of it is no longer on their level. I need to be rebuked to not be conceited. I need to be encouraged to practice hospitality with what I've been given...with all things, including whatever knowledge I may possess.
- In everything, whether dancing or working or being friends with people, I need to be serving the Lord. Period.
- There is an awkward guy at dancing. In my selfishness, I try to avoid him. But I need to remember to put others before myself, to not think of myself as better or cooler or whatever, and to be willing to associate with people with a "lower position."
- I've been very distracted lately. But I need to remember to be present with the people around me. When they mourn, I want to mourn with them. When they are excited, I wanted to be excited for them. I don't want to be thinking about some other conversation or the dress I want to buy when I am with friends (or anybody else for that matter).
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Summer Goals
I like to make lists. So I am creating one about the goals I have for this summer...
* Get to Kansas City for the Rhythm is Jumpin', TC Balboa Festival, and Denver for Lindy on the Rocks. I want to start competing.
* Take lessons at Uptown Swing and some balboa lessons from Krista to prepare for the above events.
* Get my car fixed.
* Get more side cleaning/chore jobs or a second job (or both) to pay for all of the above. If you would like somebody to clean your house, do some yard work, watch your kids, etc...I would love to do it for a donation!
* To work hard at whatever I end up doing.
* Get to more social dances and keep dancing with various leads to that I can practice to be a better follow.
* Learn how to lead.
* Spend time with Katie Moe
* Go home at some point.
* To try to get to London to study abroad or find an internship for fall.
* Go to the Tropical Ballroom and country two-step sometime.
* Get in some leisurely reading and dig into the Word some more.
* Eat healthy and stay active and in shape.
* Actually get to know the people at dancing...they all have stories to tell and I would love to hear them.
* Let my skin see some sun.
* To keep learning to put others before myself and to serve and make sacrifices for them.
* If I do any of the above list, I want the Lord to get the glory. For, if I dishonor Him, then none of it is really worth it. (This means that it's okay to call me out if I'm doing something I shouldn't be.)
Here's the start of my list. I hope that I can accomplish some of it...if not most of it.
* Get to Kansas City for the Rhythm is Jumpin', TC Balboa Festival, and Denver for Lindy on the Rocks. I want to start competing.
* Take lessons at Uptown Swing and some balboa lessons from Krista to prepare for the above events.
* Get my car fixed.
* Get more side cleaning/chore jobs or a second job (or both) to pay for all of the above. If you would like somebody to clean your house, do some yard work, watch your kids, etc...I would love to do it for a donation!
* To work hard at whatever I end up doing.
* Get to more social dances and keep dancing with various leads to that I can practice to be a better follow.
* Learn how to lead.
* Spend time with Katie Moe
* Go home at some point.
* To try to get to London to study abroad or find an internship for fall.
* Go to the Tropical Ballroom and country two-step sometime.
* Get in some leisurely reading and dig into the Word some more.
* Eat healthy and stay active and in shape.
* Actually get to know the people at dancing...they all have stories to tell and I would love to hear them.
* Let my skin see some sun.
* To keep learning to put others before myself and to serve and make sacrifices for them.
* If I do any of the above list, I want the Lord to get the glory. For, if I dishonor Him, then none of it is really worth it. (This means that it's okay to call me out if I'm doing something I shouldn't be.)
Here's the start of my list. I hope that I can accomplish some of it...if not most of it.
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